And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
