mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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