i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
