Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Brb crying the tears of my youth
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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