You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
