He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
