Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
