Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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