they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize