I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
