woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
