Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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