did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
