Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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