It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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