did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
