shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
