3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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