I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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