Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
