Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
