I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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