I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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