I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
