On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
