"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
