I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
people are starting to question the shark bite story
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
