I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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