Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize