We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm at about main and main street
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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