Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
