I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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