i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
