i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
