she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
