Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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