im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
