He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
