Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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