You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
