I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
