Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
