Your face is a jimmy john
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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