my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
