Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
