Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
FUCK WHALES
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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