I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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