yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
