I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
