Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
