R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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