That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
