I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
