That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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