Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
