fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
