i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
