Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
