As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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