Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
