1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
