my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he told me I talked like a deaf person
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
