you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
