just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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