i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pants are for mortals
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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