Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
